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Oh, I'd enjoyed it for the most part, but I hadn't soaked in it, relishing it, cherishing it, celebrating it, appreciating it for what it was-the only thirty-fifth year my life would ever know. Why? Because I'd been there, but I hadn't really been there.Īnd with my thirty-fifth year coming to a close, it occurred to me that I hadn't engaged fully in that one either.

I was present for all of those years of my life as a student, a wife, a mom-a woman-and yet there was so little I could really remember, few emotions I could recall that accompanied some of the events of life.

And when the kids started coming, the nights were long and the days even longer, and I prayed through each of them that bedtime would come more quickly today than I'd remembered it coming the day before. As a single university student, I couldn't wait to be in a committed relationship and out of college so that life could 'really begin.' Then with a loving mate promised for life, I enjoyed our first years of marriage, but during some of them I secretly harbored discontentment with our childlessness. As a teenager, I'd impatiently rushed toward young adulthood full throttle. I'm rarely satisfied in full with my present station.Ī quick mental inventory revealed the facts, presenting ample evidence to support the claim that I hadn't really been in attendance for large portions of my life. Instead of relishing each moment, each year, each opportunity, each step on the journey, I'm constantly overeager to get to the next thing, which always looks more enticing that what's currently before me. My heart and my body haven't always been good about sharing the same space. I'm the type of person, you see, who rushes ahead, who often just goes through the motions of any current activity on my way to the next one.

The thing she was suggesting, implying in so many words - the way she was proprosing for me to approach this next phase of life I was entering - was exactly opposite of what my proclivity had been.

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